A Party from a different perspective

Parties from my youth were filled with anxiety. How do I ‘not’ feel like an outsider? How do I interact with people I’m just meeting? How do I not be a wall flower? How do I not trip over myself, tongue, others etc.

I was great at trying to be funny or engaging but it always seemed to end up with someone injured on some level. If I tossed a pen over to someone they’d probably end up with it lodged in their elbow or something. If I turned my head because someone said my name or wanted my attention – somehow, my hair would end up in their eyes.

I was a very gifted kind of klutz.

Parties also included make out sessions and grabbing and groping or people sneaking away to do more, sometimes not going away at all.

It seemed that at every party there was always at least 2 sets of people at this. It was the focus of everything it seemed back then. Who can we hook up with, get cozy with.. in hopes of….

This could also just be the perspective of a person suffering from triggers and being hyper aware. But Hyper aware doesn’t make the fact those actions still occurred and made me extremely uncomfortable and self aware.

The party this past weekend was a far cry from anything I’ve experienced. I can’t say that I’ve been at a house party from start to end where I felt 100% comfortable. Apart from last years Halloween party, its been a good 15 years since I’ve been at some kind of house party.

I felt like a social butterfly this time. I felt comfortable, safe and seen.

The seen part is weird for me and beyond endearing. My heart melts at the considerations people provided to me during the party. Those that knew me and knew my triggers and whether it was intended or not, I noticed. I’ve even gotten teary eyed a few times there and all day today, and yesterday, just thinking about it.

I am struggling to think of a specific example. More so, on how to word examples suffice to say, it was nice.

What was even more amazing, is it didn’t feel like anyone was left out. I didn’t see a single person sitting alone, looking lost, worried or feeling out of place. I didn’t see anything predatory going on or anyone being disrespectful to the host or house or anything else.

A lot of laughter, conversations, chilling, making new friends, enjoying some good food, drinks, some weed and just an awesome night. I even had the opportunity to help with hair and clothes for some friends and some stranger let me play with their hair for probably a good 20 min. (its been ages since I’ve been able to play with hair! )

40 + Years, I’ve never felt more at home than I do every day that I live here. The friends I’ve made, the Family I’ve created. It feels absolutely amazing. Experience certainly makes life easier to enjoy.