Realizing you stopped being you

Have you ever sat back and realized how much of yourself you mute, hide or erase to appease the people around you?

I had a realization about a few things I stopped doing because of …

• People bitched about it
• Social Norms dictate its not appropriate
• Overheard another person bitching about someone else doing *thing*
• You judged people for it, because you were taught judging is appropriate
• Enter other random shit here.

Some of the things I’ve realized so far…

1. Listening to a song a repeat. – They get stuck in my head, or I enjoy singing them, dancing to them, or they just have a mood/feel about them.
2. Having music play 24/7. When watching tv, when company is over, when I’m sleeping, showering, reading, traveling etc. I used to have music on all the time.
3. Loud Music (Yes there is a trend… lol ) Being able to FEEL the music. I remember as a teenager going to a club and sitting in front of the speakers. The feeling of the vibrations and bass and changes in the thumps… I’d compare it to a REALLY good Full body/head high.
4. Random Urges – I used to do this A LOT and I’m sure some of my friends from my high school days remember the random urges I would get.. Like… “Can I bite you”? “Can I lick your face?” “Can I Squeeze you?” Yes, I always asked… If I was told ‘no’ I respected it, but remember having to expel that urge some where, which usually resulted in shaking my hands or jumping up and down. I vaguely remember the latter part. But I’m always up for anyone sharing stories of what they remember 🙂 (I actually kinda would love to hear your memories about me! It would help me feel more ‘seen’ – currently being vulnerable and saying what I actually want… not back spacing.. not gonna back space.!!! NO BACK SPACING!
5. UGH – I suppose I should end this here because I will end up back spacing. I might update this with some more.