Bending an Ear

I’ve got a cluster of things I’ve been wanting to write about but haven’t really had the time. Having such a large collection of friends is not something I’m used to. But that isn’t what we are here to talk about.

Were here to talk about that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. The deep down feeling of the bottom dropping out. The feeling of helplessness as you watch events unfold that you’ve been through knowing that there is nothing you can do other than talk and be there for when things might get ugly.

I have built in me this need to provide protection for anyone. But I also understand that people are going to do what people are going to do. Life Lessons need to be made and mistakes need to be experienced. There is absolutely no way you can put anyone you care for in a plastic bubble for their safety. That’s not a life anyone should have to live if they have a choice.

The most we can do is provide our experience, let them know things to look out for, love them, be there for them, and let them make their life. What we experienced may not be the same, we can only base our assumptions on the experiences we have had and while we can make educated guesses. We aren’t always right. Our age and the wisdom we collected along the way isn’t going to help anyone that can’t see the fact that what lays ahead may be daggers. We can provide them some things to look for, to help keep them safe. We can help provide them an ear, and arm, a shoulder and a safe place to come without feeling judged.

These things would have helped a vast majority of us had we had anything resembling acceptance and understanding while we grew up.

I’ve said a few times now …. No one gets through life without trauma.

It’s kind of disheartening. But what could a world filled with safe spaces, actual support, from not just family, but everyone. What would a world look like where the goal was to uplift the people around you and not compete to tear them down. I know I will never see this world. But a “Me” can dream. Right?

As a young me, I felt pressured to be interested in things I was not. To put on a face that was socially acceptable. I became what people thought of me. I became what I hated. It left me feeling hollow, empty, used, dirty, fake, and extremely lost.

I wanted to find my safe space and every time I tried I would get thorns and the effort of trying to find it was exhausting. Being behind the mask seemed almost effortless after a while. I accepted things I would never expect another person to accept or experience. And each time I turned more and more inward.

If I could express to anyone…. if I could give anyone an ‘epiphany’ by some means where a light bulb clicked and you could see that you are worth being valued by the people around you and those you hold dear. They should never make you feel ‘less than’. They should not be draining, it shouldn’t be an effort to be around them. When you think of spending time with them, it is a joy and not a sigh of reluctance.

I never thought something like this would have been possible. Likely never back home. (at least I feel this in my soul) But I’ve found it. My Partner is my safe space. Where ever he is, I know that I will have someone in my corner and someone to smack some sense into me when I’m being nonsensical or need a check because I’ve decided to run my train and mach speeds.

The friends we have made here are just as much a safe space, but in different ways. To have a friend understand when you just don’t have the energy for plans that were made, not having to make up excused. you just don’t feel like doing it and want to stay home. Having them understand and follow it up with an open invitation if anything changes. and legitimately mean it. It’s pretty amazing.

I am starting to run down the rabbit whole of wanting to provide every amazing example I’ve had with the friends we made so I don’t forget any of them. but thats not what this post is about.

So I need to end it here. I hope you enjoyed the read. I hope you get something out of it.