You see people on TV and in movies exploring these beautiful rocks crusted with sea life. I am absolutely fascinated by sea life. I have a very strong fear of it too, but, I’m in awe none-the-less. I remember falling in love with the idea of mermaids after seeing Splash! with Darryl Hannah. I wanted to BE a mermaid! I wanted to explore the depths of the ocean and make friends with whales and dolphins.
I remember as a kid, when we would go swimming I’d dive under water and kick my feet together mimicking a tail. Makes me realize I don’t think I was afraid of the water my whole life, so now I get to run down that dark alley to figure that out, LOL.
Okay! – ONWARD – to brighter things and new adventures!
Suffice to say – Me, living in the middle of the continent about as far away from ‘anything ocean’ as you can get, had no ounce of hope that she would ever see things like that except at a zoo.
I think what made this experience even better, was that I was able to see them with my sister and my husband. I am not sure either of them quite understand how much value I place on new experiences, much less the value I place on being able to share those experiences with the people I love.
New Experiences are pivotal to learning and expanding your mind. It doesn’t matter if the experience was good or bad, lived up to your expectations or didn’t. There are always small lessons learned in every new experience. By sharing these with others, it creates a new connection with them, a new memory, and many new lessons that they often won’t realize they have learned until the need arises. To me, its magical! Watching their faces as they experience the same thing I am but in their own way.
Wow! Sorry! This got deep! But – Lets share the amazing tide pools we got to experience at Beach 4 in Washington.
On this trip we also hit up Ruby Beach. Unfortunately, no tide pools here, but it was still a fantastic visit. As everything in Washington – it was beautiful.
** Please forgive the bad pictures as it was fairly dark out when we got there. ** Click an image to view full screen or comment an image.
The Puget Sound Estuarium was hosting a Pier Peer. This would be a great way to see more sea life and get a close look at things. Probably not a smart thing when I already fear everything that is in the water. (Thalassophobia is a b!tch!)
This was absolutely neat and weird at the same time. Enthralling and had me very anxious waiting for Bruce to come chomp on us.
Bruce
Yes, logical me knows that this isn’t going to happen. Bruce was just playing his part. It’s not his fault that hollywood turned him in a monster. Bruce just needed a dentist and some cuddles and no one would listen.
….. Welcome to my head.
Anyways. We did Pier Peer when my sister was visiting. It was super neat to see the things that you could easily find in the water. Sea slugs – those things are pretty and I really wanted to pet them. [My fear says if I pet them they will blow up to 50 times their size and bite my arm off. I think I just need to name my fear… Liz? Tony? Zosia! I like it. Now lets see if I remember it. Zosia needs to die. That bitch is just absolutely unreasonable. )
We even seen a little jelly fish of some kind. I believe they were having a hard time identifying it. But it was super cool! Some baby fish, crabs. The Estuarium had underwater drones they were running.
There were scoops that we were provided to scoop up water and check for sea life. As we found things we would put them in containers so we, and others, could look at what was found. It was a very chill outing.
If you ever get to experience this. Please do! It is so much fun!
I can’t say I expected this to end up on here. I knew what dragon boats were. But, with my accepting my fear of the things in the water, this really wasn’t even a thought.
The opportunity came up! I kept going back and forth – “It’s a new experience” , “It’s in the ocean”, “How scared are you REALLY of the ocean”
…… imagines boat tipping over and hands reaching up to pull me under …..
“Yes! I’m scared of the ocean! but…. are you going to let that get in the way of you trying something new? “……. pause for dramatic effect…… “NO!” — “Hi! Can I sign up for the Dragon Boats?”
A ship we seen when we were out on the water! FRIGGEN COOL!
Yeah… We went on a short ride before we even got on the boat! There was a bit of a wait before loading up. When we came back to check the time, there were some people that hadn’t shown up so I was bumped up and was able to ‘strap in’ for my new experience.
I’m going to pause here for a brief moment to provide a HUGE “THANK YOU” to a certain archivist that told me about the free boat rides. They also were the drummer on said ride, keeping us rowing on pace.
Walking down the pier towards the boat and water, I kept staring at the water, waiting to see something that was going to make me change my mind. Nope! Nothing stopped me! I still got in. Awkwardly as I do.
Almost used the seat to step down into the boat and was promptly corrected. (Good thing, Girl has packed on some unwelcome weight and I don’t need to be breaking boats!)
Things I learned on my dragon boating experience
Weight is a huge factor in being able to balance the boat properly. Moving people around to ensure that weight on the left and right side of the boat is as equal as possible.
Dragon boats can be wobbly MF’ers
Paddling behind a kid makes keeping rhythm challenging (but he was super cute and could tell he was trying)
Paddling to the beat of a drum is therapeutic and relaxing
Getting OUT of a dragon boat is much easier than getting in
The person at the way back of the boat steers
It’s beautiful when everyone is in sync
I REAAAAAAALLY need to get some of this weight back off!
I really enjoyed the experience. I would absolutely do it again. There was a short moment of wobbly boat as we were turning around that gave me moment of pause… okay more than pause… but we didn’t tip over and I know I’d be fine if we did, I would just be working to get away from the creatures of the deep dark ☺
I’m amazed at how much I find water fascinating and yet I am terrified of it and everything in it. My imagination runs wild with all kinds of things that I could step on, kick, encounter etc. I have been embracing the thalassophobia and enjoying the views and smells instead.
The Pacific Ocean, at least, for where we were, is quite chilly. Bring a sweater! But it was very cool as I was able to cross several things off the list of new experiences today.
Drove a vehicle on the Beach – Okay – so technically I didn’t drive it. Amaia and Don did. But, I was there! I’ve only ever seen this happen in movies. I’m expanding my horizons damnit! Its amazing what you think only happens in movies and to others is just normal everyday living.
Seen a living Sand dollar – Amaia had been searching for a sand dollar that wasn’t broken. The beach was full of decimated crab and sand dollar. She had found this one and when she was showing me it kept glistening oddly. I realized it was alive and that its little feet/feelers were moving. Never thought I’d ever see a living sand dollar, and while it wasn’t on the intentional list, I will absolutely take this as a win. The sand dollar was not harmed and they were placed back in the water where she had found it.
Seen ‘Wild’ Crab (Albeit dead, they were still from the wilds of the ocean, lol )- This was pretty wild. The size of crab were crazy and they were all over the place. My husband is no small man and this crab looks huge even in his hands.
Seen Horse Back Riders on the Beach – I’ve had a dream of riding a horse on the beach for years. It seems like this is now something that is possible, though, not sure I’d want to do a “Group” ride. I have some weight to lose first, regardless, as I cant see putting my hefty self on some poor horses back. Gallop down the beach and maybe kick up some water! Horse back riding in general just sounds amazing. For me, Not sure about the horse. I can’t imagine they enjoy being a vehicle for humans.
Made a drift wood sand turtle – When I was a kid we made a snow turtle in our back yard. We dug out the shapes on the back and everything. Somewhere – there is a picture of it. I’m just not sure where. I’ve seen others make driftwood art and thought it would be neat to do something with the many pieces of driftwood we found on the beach. I am not in the best shape. (round is a shape, I know) so I petered out a bit but, we gave it a shot!
A couple extra pictures because they are amazing. Especially the one where Amaia and Don are jumping and splashing in the puddles.
I had a boss quite a while ago that was fascinated with ferries. Honestly I may have been just big boat vessel things. But I specifically remember ferries.
I rode one of those with the paddle wheels a few years ago, but after moving to Washington, there are a lot more opportunities to try new things. And the Giant ferries (compared to the one I rode a while back) is different.
I’m not sure what I really expected. But it was still a new experience to be on a ship as big as the ferries that cross Puget Sound.
Every time I say ‘Puget Sound’ I giggle a little. I remember a series of books I read when I was a kid. It was based over this way and Puget Sound was mentioned quite a bit. (At least, that I recall) I remember thinking how amazing it would be to see the places they mentioned, the ocean, the costs, the forests. I also remember thinking I would never live to see them because that was just not the life I had. I couldn’t imagine ever affording to see anything ‘cool’. And here I am. Living in Washington and getting to see all kinds of new things. Its amazing. and I’m so glad I remember that feeling, the book and the entire slew of emotions it brought. It makes me more appreciative.
Well – That was a bit of a tangent! So – Not sure what I expected of the Ship, but what I got was – solid footed, super windy at the front, really fricken loud horn and it had a lot of seating, wasn’t crowded and it had a little food store.
Docking was interesting. It felt like we were going to crash into the dock. We didn’t of course, however I did learn that it can happen. Not too long ago there was an ferry that crashed into the dock in Puget Sound and cut off power to (i think) an Island.
Loading and unloading the ferry was fine. Not really much of an adventure. Much like boarding and un-boarding a plane. you kind of just get herded along the way. Just follow the flow of people lol. Coming up to the dock there was floating concrete pads the managed to have stickers all over it. Not sure why, but I found that interesting.
It was interesting to learn that the ticket that allowed us to board the ship also was the ticket that allowed us to return. I don’t know if it was a fluke or not, I still have no clue how they work but I’m sure we will be riding them again soon.
Overall – the ride was relaxing, chilly, but relaxing and it was nice. Amaia and Don were there with me and they had spotted some sea life. a couple of jelly fish. One was an ‘egg yolk’ jelly fish. Which ended up being funny because Amaia was guessing. And apparently that is there name as well.
Since today marks the anniversary of my birth – I figured it would be a great day to ‘come out’ to everyone that is paying attention.
Also – THANK YOU for all of the birthday wishes! I greatly appreciate it!
Some of you already know, but MOST do not. And while I fight with myself on why this is anybody’s business – another part of me realizes that what I am about to explain, isn’t well known. So – for my mental health – and hopefully to impact others who are/were/might feel the same way I do or for those of you who may have invalidated or dismissed (unintentionally) someone else who said something that would align with this – I think it is important to ‘come out’.
The end of last year I learned a new word and the definition and examples resounded with me. It explained so much of how I have felt my entire life and couldn’t understand how others didn’t ‘get it’. My brain apparently is wired differently than what is ‘typical’. That doesn’t make me wrong, damaged, or “Maybe you haven’t _______ yet”. It doesn’t mean that I’ve had a ton of trauma or anything else. I remember being very young and having the same though process.
[GET TO THE POINT AMBER! – I’m Losing interest in what you are typing out!] – I’m getting there – be patient, and PLEASE keep reading.
I have spent the last 6 months figuring how I feel about my realization. The impact to my marriage, the impact society has had on everything and realizing how “normal” can limit the capacity to see beyond what “typical” behavior is.I’ve even gotten into arguments where I’ve been told I’m damaged or broken, and clearly there is something wrong with me. I’m a horrible wife, who would ever want to be with someone like me, I’m selfish.
I’m not, by the way.
I’m not any of those things. At least – not in this respect.
So what is it that I need to say? What is the new word I learned?
Asexual
What does Asexual (Ace for short) mean?
An Asexual person lacks ‘sexual’ attraction. I don’t look at someone and think “mmm. I want to jump their bones!’ That has NEVER crossed my mind. In fact – it hasn’t crossed my mind ever and I think the concept of that entire thought is crass and demeaning. Over the past few months – I’ve learned that that is something MANY people think. (Don’t stop reading because there is much more to the definition of what being ACE means. )
There are SEVERAL different types of attraction.Before I heard of Asexuality I had never even considered this to be something to break out. But – TADA – There are!
Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
Asexual – A term used to describe someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and is different from celibacy, in that celibacy is the choice to refrain from engaging in sexual behaviors and does not comment on one’s sexual attractions. An asexual individual may choose to engage in sexual behaviors for various reasons even while not experiencing sexual attraction. Asexuality is an identity and sexual orientation; it is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy.
Gray-A, gray-asexual, gray-sexual are terms used to describe individuals who feel as though their sexuality falls somewhere on the spectrum of sexuality between asexuality and sexuality.
Demisexualindividuals are those who do not experience primary sexual attraction but may experience secondary sexual attraction after a close emotional connection has already formed.
With that – I want to invite you all to read the blog post I completed a couple days after realizing I was asexual and discussing this with my husband. – A Moment of Self Discovery
I grew up thinking boys wouldn’t like me if I didn’t put out.
I wasn’t attractive. HotOrNot.com had me rated at a 4. I had one person say I reminded them of the “Green Thumb Troll” cartoon character. The guys I was able to date, didn’t date me in the ‘public eye’.
Sex was the only way I’d get a boyfriend. Getting a boyfriend was important. It was the ‘social norm’ and if I didn’t get a boyfriend or have sex, then, something was wrong with me.
I had crushes in school. Thinking back it was more of an interest because I found them nice to look at. But I didn’t think ‘ oh! I wonder what it would be like to kiss him!’ It was a crush in a sense of attention. I wanted that person to pay attention to me. To CARE about me.
In my mid-twenties, I started dating someone. The first time he wanted to hold my hand in public I started crying. ( Thinking back, I remember it very clearly. Walking in Goodwill, and he put his hand on mine while I was pushing the cart. Out come the tears!) This was not something I was familiar with. I kept that boyfriend. I can’t figure out how, but I kept him and I ended up marrying him.
The echo that sex was required continued into our marriage. I had sex and I got the boyfriend. Now that I married him, I needed to continue to put out. A wife puts out. Why else would someone marry you if it didn’t get them sex. If we didn’t have sex, wouldn’t we just be roommates? There’s no point to being married if we don’t have sex.
I look back at who I was at these ages and it hurts to think that I thought so little of myself.
_________________________
My parents didn’t put this non-sense in my head. It wasn’t a sibling or a friend either. I don’t know where I got the bullshit that my inner demons kept repeating in my head over and over again.
It took 41.5 years of my life and the man I love (of 15 years) for me to realize that this was bull shit. I lucked out with the man I decided to marry. He is my best friend. Open minded, forward thinking, accepting of who people are.
Yesterday, I melted down. I broke down and went on a tangent but in that tangent came out that I do not look forward to sex. Sex to me is a chore. I rarely enjoy it. This feeling had nothing to do with my husband, I made this very clear. At no time growing up did I find any sexual attraction to anyone.I couldn’t look at someone and think “Man! I’d bang that person!” or “ooh! I bet they are good in the sack!”. I didn’t obsess or even think about make-out sessions. This never made sense to me. WHY would anyone have this desire to ‘bang’ someone they knew nothing about much less ever met.
The closest I came to was – That person looks like they would be fun to hang out with.Have a beer, start a bonfire, play a board game, go on adventure with. But sex or that type of intimacy, that was never in the mix.
I found people attractive, but that never lead to anything more than – “Damn! They are good looking”. Most of the time it was an attraction to their personality. Their sense of humor, wit, or their intelligence.
It didn’t matter what gender, religion, sexual orientation, race etc.
This epiphany, of my not being interested in sex at all, lead to a longer discussion. Both of us standing under a thunderstorm that drenched our faces. But we communicated which is what my husband and I very much try to focus on.
We ended our discussion before is was completed. We had set plans with friends and were going to be late. We dried our faces, hopped into the truck and off we went. During this drive I realized that the idea I have been running with “The other half has a RIGHT to sex” was such an archaic thought process. This is MY Body. Why do I have to do something with it that I do not enjoy? It’s my body. I shouldn’t be required to provide sex to anyone. If someone you like loves fishing , I’m not required to love or participate in that, why should sex be any different?
As a society we have come a great distance in accepting people for who they are and the evolution of gender, identity, sexuality etc. The right to our own bodies, our choices etc. Why on earth would I think that someone has a RIGHT to have sex with me.
We hung out with our friends and then when we got home, I went to take a bath to try and relax. My husband seemed a bit off and wasn’t really talking to me. I immediately went to bed after my bath and we did not have a chance to continue our conversation.
_________________________
The following day was full of awkwardness. My husband was barely saying a word to me. I felt I was walking on egg shells all day. Since he wasn’t going to talk to me, I sat down at my computer and started googling. “No Sex Drive”. “Not interested in sex”. “Relationships without sex”. I found “Asexual” and continued reading.
My husband has his demons too and we are working through them together. But what I set out before him the previous day was a huge deal and I knew he needed some time, but I couldn’t determine if his silence was because of that or something else. And I figured that it could be a few things.
1.Our relationship was dying and I needed to start planning for that.
2.His Inner Demons have him in a very shitty mood.
3.He is trying to figure out a way to be okay with this, and isn’t sure how to.
a.Which means we have a lot more talking to do.
I checked on my husband through out the day and was lucky if I got more than a word or 2 in response. And none of it in a very kind tone.
He finally came in from working on the garage and we started talking again.
The issue was all 3.
His Inner Demons, had him believing that #1 was happening and He was trying to do #3.
We all have our inner demons. No matter how much we try to make sure we work on things. In my 41 years on earth, I have come to realize that you can think you know how you will handle something, but, you really wont know until it actually happens.This is a big deal. (In all reality, it shouldn’t be a big deal, however, because we come from the expectations that this should be a big deal, it’s a big deal.)
After talking a bit further, we pulled up some YouTube videos on Asexuality.
I cried. HARD.
I had finally figured out that I wasn’t messed up. That there wasn’t something wrong with me. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t need medication to help me find a sex drive. (Yes, I went to my doctor a year or two ago trying to get help finding my sex drive. To no avail or interest of the doctor.)
We talked about how I felt about sex and how he felt about the fact I didn’t care for it. His inner demons kept trying to tell him it was because of him and because of something he did. All of which was very inaccurate. We talked about how I felt it was a wifely duty. (GOD! What was I thinking!) I legitimately thought this. I Cried – A LOT.
He cried. I cried. We blew our noses. Went back and forth on ensuring we loved each other and would support each other. We would work through this and figure out what that meant for the dynamics in our relationship. He immediately started to try and reassure me, but was using phrases like “ We will still keep a joint checking account and we will still…..” Alarms began going off in my head and I had to call these out.I didn’t want this to ruin our relationship. I wanted everything to stay the same. I loved him and this realization didn’t change anything. Except – my desire to have sex, at all.
After confirming he was trying to hard to make me feel better, We both concluded that regardless of how this affects our relationship, if at all, that as long as we continue to be open and talk about everything, we will both be okay with the outcome. Even if that outcome was moving to friendship and no longer a marriage.(Just to be clear, we both have not changed the way we feel about each other and have no intention of leaving or changing our roles in each other’s life)!! He reassured me over and over again that he is here to support me. He isn’t going anywhere. He loves me, I’m his best friend.
I’m still off and on crying. To know that I don’t need to do those ‘wifely’ duties, that my best friend isn’t going to leave me just because I have no sex drive.We have been through a lot of rocky moments that life has dealt us.I am so glad I get to weather this discovery with him.
My husband and I. This man is beyond supportive. Not just to me, but everyone he meets both outside of work and at work. I am truly blessed to have him in my life and as my best friend.
I am just now learning the different avenue’s that this realization means.
For those of you who are starting this journey as well, I wish you the absolute best of luck and hope you have someone who can be as supportive.
What does all this mean?
Nothing. My sex life should have no impact on anyone. But – Neither should anyone else’s and yet it still seems to be the topic of conversation for anyone who doesn’t fit “social norms”. I am here sharing my story because sex shouldn’t be a topic of conversation that is considered faux pas to discuss. And if anyone gets anything from my experience, then it was worth it. It’s okay to not like sex. No one is required to have sex, for any reason.
The long and short of it is, I don’t think about sex like other people. There are various types of attraction. I think understanding this will help understand what being Asexual means.
Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
Now that you know there are different TYPES of attraction, you can be armed with understanding what Asexual means.
Asexualis a term used to describe someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and is different from celibacy, in that celibacy is the choice to refrain from engaging in sexual behaviors and does not comment on one’s sexual attractions. An asexual individual may choose to engage in sexual behaviors for various reasons even while not experiencing sexual attraction. Asexuality is an identity and sexual orientation; it is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy.
The Videos I watched after we figured out there was a name for my situation:
I have thought about how to write this post over and over again. Started it over and over again. No matter how I start I keep coming up short on portraying the experience I had.
This isn’t a post that will have my normal snark in it. It’s not a bright and fun experience. My attempts to make it more light hearted or riddled with quips and other such thing don’t really help it out.
I was already not feeling good. Having issues keeping food down. The first couple days was water and crackers. As nauseous as I was, those two things still seemed to stay down. The third night was the worst. Water didn’t stay down. I tried powerade zero for electrolytes and that came up. Crackers did nothing. When I didn’t have anymore water come up, bile replaced it.
My body felt overheated and I couldn’t cool down. I checked my temperature and I didn’t have a fever. After a few more trips to vomit, I noticed the room starting to spin. Keeping upright was more of a challenge. Sometime around 5 am I woke my husband up to help me to the shower. I was hoping to take a cold shower.
Anyone in southern Arizona in the summer knows that getting any kind of cold water is a joke. The outside temperatures are too high and the few moments of cold water you can get are short lived and followed by warm or even sometimes hot water. A trick someone told me was to turn your hot water off in the summer. This way you can get colder or cooler water from the tank. We hadn’t done this.
After waking my husband up and having him help me to the shower; we turned the water on and was greeted by…. Warm water. I immediately got annoyed and frustrated as I was already feeling so warm. He walked me back to bed and we both laid back down. I had another trip or two to vomit and at some point my husband asked if we needed to go to urgent care.
I knew I was impaired. I could barely navigate to the bathroom. I left this decision up to him. If it was me, I’d have laid back down and tried to tough it out. He had other plans. He grabbed some clothes and had me put them on. After grabbing some other necessities he loaded me into the truck. I don’t recall what time it was. I just new it was early. Work hadn’t started yet.
When we opened the door to go outside I was blinded. I couldn’t see anything but bright white and the light hurt. After cringing and shutting the door, I was handed some sunglasses that barely helped and ushered out the door. The heat of Arizona’s summer making me even more uncomfortable.
My breathing had become more forced and rapid. Almost a huffing pant. I could feel my husbands annoyance with other drivers as he tried to get me to urgent care as quickly as possible. Once we arrived; I remember being unloaded. My husband fumbling with the seat belt to get me out of the truck and then sitting in the waiting room. After a few moments I was being taken in back to be assessed.
At this point time became a fight for me. What was a minute felt more like an hour. I recall sitting in a bright room. I recall my husband telling me not to lay on the nice cold floor because they would send an ambulance. I even recall ignoring him and enjoying how cold the floor was. Refreshing and a beautiful reprieve from the heat I kept feeling.
The doctors wanted a urine sample and they had my husband help me collect it. I remember demanding a wheel chair because I couldn’t walk anymore.
Urgent care provided some zofran to help with the nausea. My blood sugar was too high for the meter to read.
They told my husband I was in Diabetic Keto Acidosis and that I needed to be taken to the Emergency Room immediately. They provided the nearest hospital and my husband loaded me back into the truck.
The Atacama Desert in Chile has not a drop of water in over 500 years!
The next thing i remember is sitting in the emergency room waiting room. My eyes closed for much of this adventure due to how bright everything was. All I kept thinking about was cooling off and getting water. My mouth was as dry as the Atacama desert.
My husband said he want up and yelled at the ER nurse to get me help. He was provided the standard ‘ as soon as we can sir’.
I was taken back to be assessed and they wouldn’t allow my husband to come with. At some point they called him back because I wasn’t coherent. The answers I was providing didn’t make sense or couldn’t be understood.
I’m told after a few moments of the assessment I was taken back and provided a room and a flurry of nurses. Time continued to fail me as a nurse would come in and promise water and leave. What felt like hours of waiting no water I tried yelling ‘hello’ to get attention. [I’m told I wasn’t very loud when I thought I was yelling] My husband hushed me several times and reassured me it had literally been 1 minutes since they had left.
I remember:
getting injections of zofran.
getting lemon wet swabs that were horrible.
getting ice water and sponges to suck on.
getting things stuck to me and some kind of imaging done without having to leave the bed I was on.
food being brought and not having an appetite.
my chin shaking uncontrollably even though I wasn’t cold
All the while my breathing continues to pant and I still feel hot. I remember my seeking out more and more water like an addict seeking their next fix.
[my husband said I kept telling the heart monitor alarms to shut up. I was tachycardic and kept setting the alarms off with a heart rate over 135. At some point the nurses changed the threshold to stop the alarms]
The doctors told my husband that my blood sugar was 753. That I was in DKA. They said my breathing was called Kussmaul respirations. Starts as rapid, shallow breathing (sigh breathing) that, as the acidosis grows more severe, becomes slower, deeper, and labored (air hunger).
After a while I was taken to ICU. My husband was sent to the waiting room while I was prepped for a stay in an ICU room. There I remember being bathed with wipes and put in a gown. Connected to monitors and several IVs and cables. A urine sample was requested and I conceded to a catheter because I didn’t have the energy to make it to the toilet that was less than 5 feet away. I remember a nurse telling me I had acid in my blood. To which I only recall mimicking what she said ‘acid in my blood?’ .. and trailing off.
The next 24 hours were in and out of sleep as the doctors came in and out testing my blood sugar and checking my fluids and electrolytes. I was on an iv drip of insulin to get my blood sugars down. By 3pm the following day my blood sugar was down to the 300’s. I was more awake but still quite tired. I could see the incremental improvements. Being awake for longer periods but not being able to focus. Checking my phone and seeing messages but not caring. Finally reading the messages and then of course replying to them.
I hadn’t fully understood the dilemma I had been in. How deadly the condition I was in until a few days after being released from the hospital. I took the time to read more up on DKA and what it means.
I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful my husband was there to make the decision to bring me to a care facility. Had he not, I may not be here today.
I was in the hospital for a total of 3 days. When I got home I slept for another 24 hours. My body felt bruised. I was happy to be home. The photo below (right) is after being in the hospital for 24 hours. Every time someone came in the room I was told how much better I looked. I think I am glad I don”t have pictures of before I received IV fluids and insulin.
Another bloggers post hits very close to home. A recommended read as she outlines the experience far better than I think I can. While not identical in the setting or everything that happened, the experience as a whole and lost time is very similar.
For my Partners birthday we took advantage of having friends staying with us and spent a weekend in California. It was a fantastic weekend and so many firsts! It was great being able to experience all of this with him.
I’ve always thought whale watching was 5,000% out of my league. I’d never have a chance at seeing a whale. I grew up in the center of the North American continent. When I don’t think I’d see the ocean, the idea of ever being able to see a whale was laughable.
My first chance at seeing a whale was part of Don’s birthday weekend.
I did not get a picture of every first but there are quite a few that I remember well enough.
Visiting California – As much as I wanted to get it, I didn’t. The “Welcome to California” Sign. I think I got wrapped up over a view or something else. I honestly can’t remember. But, I’m sure it was like all the other “Welcome to [Insert State Here]” Signs.
Tried Swordfish – Couldn’t have been that amazing – because I barely remember this! Okay, actually I don’t remember it at all but it was on my list of firsts that I wrote down during this entire vacation. So – clearly I tried it. But…. eh….
Seeing the Pacific Ocean – I seen the Gulf of Mexico, and it was beautiful. This was beautiful. The time between seeing the two was so long that I wouldn’t be able to compare them at all. But, its the ocean. Its beautiful and disgusting and serene and scary all at once. It’s intimidating. This time, I didn’t go in the ocean. This time, I stepped in the ‘residue’ as the waves pulled back from the sand. I know its not a rational fear, but I didn’t reason my way into being afraid of the ocean, it’s challenging to try and reason my way out.
Going Whale Watching (No Whales) – Well this was an adventure. LOL . Mainly because there were a lot of bumps and while the boat felt sturdy, I have know delusions about the power of the Ocean, its depths and how small a boat we were in. My husband said “We’re not far from shore, you can see it!” to which I replied “yeah, were not far when you are in a boat, Its a lot farther when you are swimming!” and then I promptly turned green.
Seeing wild dolphins (large pod) – Seeing the pod of dolphins was fantastic. You could see them splash and hear them. They would dive under the boat and come up on the other side like a game. I could almost hear the adventure music that seemed fitting for their play time. This was also a really nice distraction from the Whale Watching ride. I also seen a couple dolphins swim into the small canal by the hotel. We were right on the water and I had walked down to just watch the ocean and there were a couple zipping back and forth.
Seeing wild Seals/Sea lion – Bring a nose plug. These guys are STINKY! ☺ But highly entertaining, when they decide to move around. We were able to see these guys all over the place at Oceanside. We seen a few just outside the hotel, down the coast, while we were whale watching, at the walkway and all over. The walkway was the easiest to see them and if you ever get a chance, I highly encourage you to stay and watch. They have personality. They are goofy. They are little shits too! No – not because they shit – really, they are just dicks to each other! Pushing each other off the float, blocking them from coming back up out of the water, flopping down on each other.
Seeing Someone in a wet suit & Someone surfing – Yeah – Because – how the heck do you surf on a lake? And I have no idea why seeing someone in a wet suit is on this list. Its new, Just be glad I’m not blogging a new thing for every time I blow my nose… Each one of those kleenex tissues is “new” ya know! You could be reading about the journey of every sneeze into a “NEW” tissue!
Seeing someone paddle board – Well, Its not like I ever expected anyone to paddle board in the great lakes back in Wisconsin! Remember – I never thought I’d leave that place. And then when I finally get to – I move where water barely exists. If I had to pick a paddle boarder to see for the first time again, I’d choose this guy! This guy has the best life with his puppers and how brave he is to paddle board with fish bait to all the creatures that are just under foot. Those cute puppers were spry too. moving about and then jumping off the paddle board. Cute as heck!
Seeing Beach ‘Coast Guard’ buildings – Why is this on my bucket list? Why is this even on my radar for a new experience? …………… T V …………… That’s why! I didn’t grow up where these existed. It was on Bay Watch. It was neat! I’ve never seen a beach with a building on it. I’ve never seen a beach with a life guard. I grew up in a place where the state says here is a lake – swim at your own risk – we don’t have you covered! – If you are taking me serious right now – you really shouldn’t. Have you learned nothing yet while reading these blogs? – But for real – the reason is Bay Watch and I lead a land locked life.
OH! There was a Coast Guard truck too! I didn’t get a picture because it was on our way out, BUT….. It was on the beach… Just like Bay Watch! I always thought it was made up yuppy fantasy stuff. Like – I wish I had enough money to spend on unnecessary things. I think I’m talking too much now because my whole point of why this was so neat to me is just making me sound really weird. Just … go to the next neat new thing for me! I’m sure there’s plenty more!
I’ve always loved the idea of foraging for your own food. I envy the people that can tell which plants are what with great confidence. I could have a book in one hand and the plant in the other and I still would be second guessing myself.
Luckily, we have some more seasoned people with us on this excursion. Our friends back in Wisconsin took us out hunting while we were visiting. Apart from the humidity and the blood thirsty mosquitos, it was very enjoyable. It was great to get outside in nature without melting in 110 degrees. We had the dogs with, they both did very well on their walking.
Hunting was educational. They pointed out several things of what not to eat and explained quite a bit of what you could, what to look for and so much more.
The best part was getting back to their place. They quickly cleaned up the mushrooms and cooked them up. I never knew mushrooms could taste so good.
Don’t get me wrong – I already love mushrooms. About a year ago we discovered truffles and have become addicted. Truffle Butter, Truffle Oil, Truffle Salt, Truffle Chips.. Give me truffles – I will be a happy woman!
We found Chicken of the Woods! They are so vibrant in color! Its amazing they are something that is edible at all. Once cooked up, to me, they tasted like beef stroganoff. My inner fat kid didn’t want to share and had I not been considerate of others, I would have stuffed ALL of them in my face! Absolutely Delicious!
I was reading an article that states they dont have a very big flavor. I think I’d have to disagree. While they aren’t ‘Punch You In the Face’ strong, they do have a very pleasant texture and flavor. I could absolutely see replacing meat with these for anyone who doesn’t eat meat.
We are working on moving to the Pacific North West (PNW) and I’m very eager to start foraging and mushroom hunting there!
