Coming out
Since today marks the anniversary of my birth – I figured it would be a great day to ‘come out’ to everyone that is paying attention.
Also – THANK YOU for all of the birthday wishes! I greatly appreciate it!
Some of you already know, but MOST do not. And while I fight with myself on why this is anybody’s
business – another part of me realizes that what I am about to explain, isn’t well known. So – for my mental health – and hopefully to impact others who are/were/might feel the same way I do or for those of you who may have invalidated or dismissed (unintentionally) someone else who said something that would align with this – I think it is important to ‘come out’.
The end of last year I learned a new word and the definition and examples resounded with me. It explained so much of how I have felt my entire life and couldn’t understand how others didn’t ‘get it’. My brain apparently is wired differently than what is ‘typical’. That doesn’t make me wrong, damaged, or “Maybe you haven’t _______ yet”. It doesn’t mean that I’ve had a ton of trauma or anything else. I remember being very young and having the same though process.
[GET TO THE POINT AMBER! – I’m Losing interest in what you are typing out!] – I’m getting there – be patient, and PLEASE keep reading.
I have spent the last 6 months figuring how I feel about my realization. The impact to my marriage, the impact society has had on everything and realizing how “normal” can limit the capacity to see beyond what “typical” behavior is. I’ve even gotten into arguments where I’ve been told I’m damaged or broken, and clearly there is something wrong with me. I’m a horrible wife, who would ever want to be with someone like me, I’m selfish.
I’m not, by the way.
I’m not any of those things. At least – not in this respect.
So what is it that I need to say? What is the new word I learned?
Asexual
What does Asexual (Ace for short) mean?
An Asexual person lacks ‘sexual’ attraction. I don’t look at someone and think “mmm. I want to jump their bones!’ That has NEVER crossed my mind. In fact – it hasn’t crossed my mind ever and I think the concept of that entire thought is crass and demeaning. Over the past few months – I’ve learned that that is something MANY people think. (Don’t stop reading because there is much more to the definition of what being ACE means. )
There are SEVERAL different types of attraction. Before I heard of Asexuality I had never even considered this to be something to break out. But – TADA – There are!
- Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
- Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
- Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
- Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
- Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
- Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
Asexual – A term used to describe someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and is different from celibacy, in that celibacy is the choice to refrain from engaging in sexual behaviors and does not comment on one’s sexual attractions. An asexual individual may choose to engage in sexual behaviors for various reasons even while not experiencing sexual attraction. Asexuality is an identity and sexual orientation; it is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy.
- Gray-A, gray-asexual, gray-sexual are terms used to describe individuals who feel as though their sexuality falls somewhere on the spectrum of sexuality between asexuality and sexuality.
- Demisexual individuals are those who do not experience primary sexual attraction but may experience secondary sexual attraction after a close emotional connection has already formed.
With that – I want to invite you all to read the blog post I completed a couple days after realizing I was asexual and discussing this with my husband. – A Moment of Self Discovery